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09/01/2010
Grube

Kelly Gruber, 1989 Topps

What’s up, broskies? Grube here. How’s it hangin’? Short and to the left? Ha, ha! Gotcha! Grube style.

Me? Just maxin’ relaxin.’ Spent most of the offseason at the ski lodge in Vail. The ushe. Defeated some lame bros in the Annual Ski Slope Bonanza Tournament. Won it with my signature 360-reverse-spider-twist, but this year I added a little flava to it. Can’t explain it, really. You had to be there. So sweet though.

Some fine females there this year, too. Spent some time chillin’ with a nice chica named Kelly. Hottie. They dubbed us, “Kelly Squared.” Ha, ha. I didn’t really get it –- too mathy -- but, whatever. I told her to head to the T-dot-O-dot to check my swing, ya’ know, but she had to head back to her folks in SoCal. We’ll catch up on the road. What’s that? Details? Bro. For real? You know the Grube doesn’t kiss and tell! Let’s just say…what’d I hit last year? Sixteen home runs? Make it seventeen. Hit me off with hi-fizive! (Slap!)

Couldn’t BE more ready for the 8-to-the-9. This is my year, bro. Been workin’ with some baseball sage dude from like, Guatemala or something. He told me, it’s all in my head, ya’ know? Baseball, man -– it’s an emotional game. Last week he showed me how to catch a ground ball with my feelings. I’m not even thinkin’ anymore out there! Just letting my inner Grube take over. Put me down for 40 ding-dongs this year. Call the President. Tell him the Blue Jays are coming to the White House! I hope he likes birds. Blue ones.

And none of you muchachos better leave me hanging this year! Head out to the ballpark and cheer me on. Make a sign or something. Hey, here’s a good sign for ya’…check it out: “Who’s on third? Gruber!” Ha, ha! Get it? It’s a nod to that old Three Stooges bit where they can’t figure out who’s playing where, so they start hitting each other in the eyes! Hilarious. Plus, I play third base. So it makes sense. Topical, bro.

Anyway, wish me luck! Not that I need it. The Grube’s got this, bros. But still, wish me luck just in case. I like having those vibes on my side, ya’ know? I’ll check you broskies on the flipside, alright? Signing off,

Grube

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08/25/2010
Giant sticks?

1993 Upper Deck Team Stars Checklist

There’s something about the back-to-the-camera-during-the-National-Anthem sports photograph that I love so dearly. The facelessness of it. The patriotism. It makes me feel all tingly inside. Is that wrong? Then I don’t want to be right.

A few things stand out about this particular shot. First, that is one helluva middle of the order. I mean, it’s one thing to see these guys trot to the batter’s box one after the other, but seeing them together, physically -– not just in a lineup card -– is quite impactful. It’s no surprise the Giants won 103 games in ’93 (missing the playoffs). Second, all of these guys are going bald, or are already bald. This is apropos of nothing, but it reminds me of the first time I saw Will Clark take off his helmet as a kid and, for whatever reason, I began to like him a little bit less. I don’t know why. I wish he had just shaved his head like the other two. Whatever. Third, the fact that two of the men here are noted performance enhancing drug users definitely takes away from the romanticism of this card. It’s ’93 and Bonds is looking kinda big already. I’m just saying. Why couldn’t the two of them just do it naturally, and be injured all the time and bald gracefully like Will Clark?

Anyhoo, this card is a checklist.



When I originally turned this over I assumed this Team Stars checklist was a checklist for the regular ’93 Upper Deck set. But it turns out, it seems, that Team Stars is its own special series with its own checklist, as evidenced by the fact that this card is # 471, but the Team Stars card entitled “Giant Sticks” is # 476. I can’t imagine that there is different card entitled “Giant Sticks” that is not this one, which simply features a few players who carry giant sticks but do not play for the Giants because, Upper Deck figured, “Why does everything have to be a play on words?” But if that were the case, and all of our preconceptions were thrown out the window, we could then speculate that the title of this card is “The Royal Tenen-bombs.”*

I would also like to take this time to commend whoever came up with the name “Giant Sticks.” Bravo. That none of these three men are actually holding bats in this picture, and that we cannot see their torsos makes the mind race with only baseball-related wonder.

In perusing this checklist, it’s fairly simple to deduce which players these card titles may feature, although I could probably do without “Boyhood Friends,” which is too Hallmarky and weird for my tastes. (Yes, I have a distinct palate for checklist cards.) I am particularly fond however, of the Team Stars card entitled “Les Grandes Etoiles,” which is French for “The Great Mariners” and which features, I imagine, a picture of Wade Boggs and Roberto Alomar fishing.

*I am aware that movie had yet to be released in 1993. Just humor me.

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08/23/2010
The Expansion of Rick Mahorn

John Salley's story about Rick Mahorn finding out he was drafted by the Minnesota Timberwolves (Deadspin)

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